The Young and The Restless: My take on Realignment

The following article was written before the events of today, which sadly renders most of this moot.  Still, pretend that I didn't write this in advance or maybe imagine that I'm behind the times and that I deserve your pity or something.  :P

This really has gotten to be a big soap opera.  This is how we stand right now.  Nebraska to the Big Ten, Colorado to the PAC-10, and everyone else waiting. 

Before I list off my thoughts on the subject, I need to make one thing clear.  While it was fun to write the following paragraphs, I really don't have much animosity towards and of the schools or people I mention here.  Sure, I'd have liked the Big XII to remain intact, but I'm wondering how much that's just me holding onto a familiar and comfortable concept.  Despite my early fandom of Texas A&M, I've never really known anything other than the Big XII.  See, I cheered for the Aggies when I was a kid, but I had no concept of the NCAA, or athletic conferences, or anything like that.  There were no fond memories of the Southwest Conference for me, as I started attending OU in 1996.  The Big XII was all that I'd known, and after an initially rough first few years OU rose to the top, and became consistently the top team in the conference.  It's been a great run, but with new rivals in Oregon, USC and Stanford emerging perhaps a change would truly be in the Sooners' best interests.  With that, here we go:

To Big XII commissioner Dan Beebe, congratulations.  You have just given a master class in inept and flaccid leadership.  You constantly denied that any of your schools were talking to other conferences, but the speed at which the current changes have come is a clear sign that you were very wrong.  You hid in your office, telling yourself and the press that everything was OK, as the building collapsed around you.  I can understand if I get blind-sided by these developments, as I'm not an insider nor a reporter.  You, on the other hand, have absolutely no excuse.  Instead of reassuring your conference that things would be better, and promising that you'd tirelessly work for a better TV deal, you let the PAC-10 and Big Ten raid your house and make off with your stuff.  You let them sweet talk your schools away from you, as you did nothing.  It angers me when I look at the how this has turned out, and I'm convinced that I or just about anyone I know could have done a better job than you.  Your lack of vision and your absence of cunning is sickening, and I hope that the only thing you run after this is a 7-11.  Not even the nice one, but the OTHER 7-11 that everyone's afraid to go to.

To Colorado, fuck you.  I hope that you're in the pit of the PAC-10, a whipping boy in football just like Baylor was for us.  If Texas and OU end up in your division, this will not be pretty.  Expect both Bob Stoops and Mack Brown to run up the score on your pitiful defense, and attack your shell-shocked offense for four whole quarters every year.  Your coach will whine, your school's administrators will complain, and we'll be too busy getting ready for the conference championship to bother laughing at you.

To Nebraska, have fun in the Big Ten.  Also, remember a few things in your new home.  Remember how good the Big XII was to you when Michigan, OSU, Iowa, and Penn State all put a foot in your ass.  Remember the feeling of being the big dog of the North, while you're down and being beaten by double-digits week in and week out.  Remember that you yourself put you into the position as the Big Ten's bitch, and never forget what could have been.  The stink of your failure to put Texas down in the 2009 Big XII Championship game will never fade from your whore garments. 

To Texas A&M, I hope that you follow us to the BigPAC16.  You were my first college team, and you always hold a special place in my sports heart.  Going to the SEC might be good for you, or it might not.  Please understand that the SEC might be interested in your great institution, but they have ulterior motives in courting you.  They really REALLY want Texas and OU, and they hope to use you to get to both of us.  Moreso Texas, but best believe that they want the Sooners too.  Please don't get played, and if you do go I hope that our teams meet up in some epic bowl games.

To Baylor Kansas, Kansas State, and Iowa State, I'm sorry this is happening to you guys.  You didn't do anything to deserve this, except for maybe being too cautious.  I truly hope that you all end up in good competitive leagues, and continue to thrive.  To Baylor especially, it's too bad you can't come along.  Despite constantly ragging on you guys, I really did have a respect for the level of academics you brought to our league.  You made the Big XII especially classy, and you were just starting to find your way in football.  Good luck.

To Texas, Texas Tech, and OK State, see y'all on the other side.  As much as I hate all of you, your programs help us get to where we're going year after year.  The quality of your competition has a direct impact on your success, and this is especially true for OU.  Every year, the strength of the Big XII South is demonstrated time and time again.  We may not always win, but we always bring our best.  More often than not, that's more than good enough, and we of the Sooner Nation thank you.  Also, fuck all y'all. :P

Finally to the PAC-10, please change your goddamn name.  If you're going to be the premier conference in college sports, at least recognize that your better teams are going to be nowhere near the Pacific Ocean.  The Big West is appropriate, or perhaps simply The West.  Swallow your pride, lose the PAC, and brace for impact.  A force that you've only seen from afar is about to rock your world.